Today I pose the question, Is abuse cyclic? According to the dictionary, one of the definitions of cyclic is - occurring in cycles; regularly repeated.
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Abuse of Others
While I do not believe that all victims of abuse inflict abuse onto other innocent people, I do know that many do enact various forms of maltreatment on the innocent or mistreat themselves. The self-hate one feels, often is redirected towards the people who are the closest to you. As re-offending pertains to maltreatment of others, the abuse can manifest itself in forms of :
1. Verbal/Emotional abuse - can be equally or more damaging as physical abuse because it is aimed to destroy how one feels about oneself.
2. Physical abuse - is used to keep one subservient to another or intimidate.
3. Abandonment - the abused victim cannot care for themselves much less another person, or they are afraid to get close, so they’d rather stay away.
One thing we must understand is that Abuse says more about the abuser than the victim; it echos, “I feel inadequate, I feel incomplete, I feel inferior, I am scared, and I need you to respect me even if I have to force you to.”
Self-Abuse
I find most people who were abuse more often abuse themselves than they do others. Some victims internalize the pain they feel by turning to substance abuse, alcohol, or prostitution. If not prostitution, they allow men to abuse their body by having numerous partners whose sole intention is to perpetuate the cycle of abuse.
In my situation, I abused myself by :
1. Allowing others to mistreat me - in the form of cheating, getting physical, and being verbally abusive towards
2. Mistreating myself - by dwelling in that place of sorrow, feeling unworthy of love, not feeling beautiful, feeling like I deserved less than or was born unlucky
3. Isolating self - I would rather be alone than have to deal with people’s foolishness. But while isolation made me feel safe and can be freeing, it robbed me of relationships and friendships.
4. Self-sabotage- Can be intentional or unintentional. In self-sabotage, carry yourself in a manner in which deter others from wanting to be in your presence, or you may fail to complete the steps necessary for positive growth and change.
Conclusion
In closing, I want anyone listening to know that while abuse can be cyclic, it does not have to be. The key to prevention is to recognize the signs and address them right away by implementing some form of intervention measures.
If you or someone you know has been the victim of abuse, seek help. Help does not have to be professional. You can tell your partner, family, or friends about what is happening and garner the support you need from them. I find that when people know your story, they are more inclined to be understanding and deliberate when dealing with you. Talking about abuse and not keeping it secret can also help a person not to become a perpetrator or inflict self-harm. Understanding that you are not to blame for your circumstance and that you are worthy of love is the first steps towards healing.
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